There’s no poem hidden inside today.
I’ve looked in all the regular places,
deep into candles lit before dawn.
Nothing.
I’ll build one anyway—
Proving I’m just as selfish as he said.
So here’s a poem shaped from heavy gray air
in a cold marble courthouse
where lawyers step in to deliver
something else I can’t make on my own.
The only prize is no poem,
just a pair of scissors
wielded by a serious-faced judge
with the awful job
of helping me cut this snarled tie.
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Divorce Is No Poem
Dear Vince Guaraldi
You, and your two companions
who I only know as “trio”,
soften my heart every year,
on the strength of that one piano line
playing below the children’s chorus
from a simple world drawn in clear lines.
Back there, Charlie Brown and Lucy are ice skating
and tasting snowflakes.
This makes it easier to breathe, here where I live now,
the same way construction paper trees
masking-taped to classroom windows calms me,
this comforting sameness across the years.
I’m almost certain I could peer through that classroom window
and see myself, at 5, carefully gluing colored circles,
counting 1,2,3,4,5 as I pressed each link together,
concentrating, building a paper chain to the future.
Oak Leaves
I captured two enormous oak leaves
and brought them home.
Dark brown, thick and leathered,
kept for weeks,
they were meant to star in a poem:
Something about plenty and treasure
and being carried on the wind.
Yesterday, I let them go—
tucked them under
the lavender bush in the garden
to escape my attempts to pry them open,
or shape them into a message.
They deserved a rest, having
taught me all they could
about not disintegrating
or growing brittle.
Poetry Is Sneaky
I drift away, like a fickle lover.
Poetry never stamps its foot,
or chases after me,
or texts me late at night
with outrageous demands.
No, poetry goes all quiet.
Then tosses me something—
In the used book section of
the temple of Barnes & Noble,
it slides a book into my hands and disappears.
And we’re off again—
I remember how it is:
A crate full of words,
the lines of a face
arranged just so
and it’s crazy love all over again.
Head Full Of Numbers
Today I woke up
with my head full of numbers.
Click of calculators in my ears
tumbled me out of bed
to clutch my red checkbook.
Numbers in, numbers out
and a sleepy number 3
who tried to sneak away
for a bit more shut eye.
Still Reading Ruth Bidgood
I only allow myself one (two)
poems per morning,
doling out this treat of language
to make it last.
After a poem (two)
I put the book down,
look out past the candlelight
to the dark, then lightening
world, the spray of snow on
my neighbor’s roof,
and dream of Wales.
Fairy Tale
“Her eyes shone like two bright stars, but there was no rest or peace in them.”
From The Snow Queen, by Hans Christian Anderson
Eyes full of rest, of peace
is the gift I’d give you, daughter–
Hunting everywhere till I found it,
asking crows and witches
in every village I passed,
willing to pay any price.
I would carry it home tucked in my red cloak,
Then wrap it in bright green paper, to
remind you of holidays and growing things
and tie it with a red bow.
I would tell you, Look for this
one gift, tucked beneath the tree
to delight you in the morning.
Because I’ve bound my heart to you
my gift would be to see you smile
and mean it.
Enough
When you’ve been walking
in circles, wrapped in old conversations
that can never keep you warm
and every moment is another moment
she’d rather be somewhere else.
When you’re weary because your heart
is tied to your child
so it is always traveling
or packing its bags.
When you can’t remember
how to reach her or how to get home–
Rest on the road.
Talk long into the night with the other travelers, who are
all searching for their wandering hearts.
Light a fire and sip something warm together.
Swap stories and laugh.
Though this is not the place you sought
you can learn to let it be, for now, close to
Enough.
Reading Ruth Bidgood
Do you know that feeling?
The one when it’s a rainy afternoon
and you open a book you’ve never read before
with few expectations,
recalling all those misguided infatuations
And blatant seductions in the past–
by wily books dressed to draw you in—
Thick paper and quirky quotes
lovely art, reviews that make you hope
despite many, many disappointments.
Then, this time, you stumble over someone
ready to be in love with the world,
and discover musty trunks full of old diaries and tattered maps
and everywhere, on every page she writes of the outdoors—-
Misty rain, thick forest, a fog rising
from the fields–
and tucked beneath the mountains,
tiny stone cottages with thatched roofs,
Wild roses and mugs of strong tea.
You sigh and think—
Oh, this book will be delicious.
Thank you, you breathe, to the god of books
who, capricious and irresistible,
tumbles treasures into a reader’s hands
a few times in every life.
You know that feeling?
I found it today.